Hurt vs Harm

Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (Hebrews 12:11 KJV)

One of my friends took his youngest son to the dentist for his yearly checkup. Unfortunately, the exam revealed Troy’s first cavity. For most of us, this is a routine procedure, but not for an eight-year-old. I was troubled by the deep fear in Troy’s eyes as the dentist gave him a small shot to numb the area and then drilled away the tooth’s decay to repair the damage. I felt bad for my son, but in that moment an important thought occurred to me: the process hurt my son, but it didn’t harm him. In fact, the whole point was to prevent further problems. 

This same concept can be applied more broadly to a reality many families face: A loved one loses their way in life and winds up involved in destructive behavior. If you’ve ever been in circumstances like this – or if you’re there now – then you know firsthand the challenge of making hard choices about a loved one’s behavior. “Tough love” is often required, but interventions, having someone removed from the home, or structured marital separations can be overwhelming decisions. Part of the struggle is the failure to distinguish between “hurting” someone and “harming” them. 

Trust me, I understand that tough decisions about a loved one are hardly the same as a trip to the dentist. But the principle is what matters: our choice to help someone heal may hurt them, but it won’t harm them. As Hebrews 12:11 says, the Lord takes this very approach with us for our own benefit.