Grieving with someone

So they sat down with him upon the ground seven days and seven nights, and none spake a word unto him: for they saw that his grief was very great. (Job 2:13 KJV)

We’ve all been there. A family member or a close friend experiences the death of a spouse, a parent, or a child. In the days and weeks that follow, we struggle to find the right words to bring them comfort and healing. In such situations, maybe, like me, you’ve said things like, “They’re in a better place,” or “At least they’re not suffering anymore.” But, usually, no sooner have we spoken those words than we’re confronted with a painful truth: our well-meaning words are powerless to offer any true comfort! 

The first problem is there really is nothing we can say to heal the pain of someone whose loved one has died. And that leads to the second problem: our own sense of helplessness. When a person we care about is suffering deeply, we naturally want to ease their pain and make them feel better. But we struggle with the realization that nothing we say will diminish their grief.
But as often happens in life, what we perceive as the problem may actually be the answer. What our grieving loved ones need in those difficult moments is not our words, but us, our presence, our willingness to sit with them in silence if necessary, to cry with them, or to listen as they share their grief. Will this wipe away their sorrow? No. But being quietly present – as Job’s three friends so rightly did in the beginning of his trials – allows those we care about to draw upon our strength as they walk through their pain.